starting the year.

Besides background television babble and constant Carter chit chat, there's silence in my days again. We got to welcome Christmas for the first time in our new house, travel East and West to open gifts with both of my parents and party into 2012 with my brother-in-law and new friends.

My husband was home for 17 days; today he's gone back to work. With adult conversation gone and holiday errands done, I can't help but feel a sense of change hit with the new year. It's like things have gone back to normal, except normal feels better than it did before. No, not better. More blissful. Having Matt at my side day in and out did ridiculously therapeutic things for my spirit. Seeing my parents settles me with satisfaction. Everyone is ok - I've gone, I've witnessed it. I loved watching Carter's face absorb lights, parties, people and toys in the busy holiday jumble. Last month I couldn't breathe; overwhelmed by some sort of unreasonable depression. Right now? I can't even swallow when I step back and try to gauge it all. My chest wants to burst in happy gratitude. This is actually my life.

Holiday Party.

(I like my ears here.)

Grandma's House

Christmas morning.

Trip to Tennessee.

My dad and my Aunt Eva (the kindest person you'd ever meet).

Visiting a pond of swans. (Forgive that I have no actual swans in the picture)

New Year's Eve.

As for the new year, I don't have any concrete goals. I don't see the point in adding things you don't enjoy into your days for the sake of somehow bettering yourself (spend less, eliminate soda, etc.) Committing yourself to difficulties is the wrong direction to gear your life. I just want to increase the amount of fun in my years and do things that boost my disposition. Here's my tentative list:

Make more videos. I really have fun sharing my life. I want to let my guard down and be able to post more candid YouTube videos where I don't require myself an hour of planning (hair/makeup), upon hours of editing and searching for music. I want to get weekly videos up and kinda make a career-ish type thing out of it. Career's not the word I wanted. Dedication? Commitment? Marry me, YouTube.

I need that attitude about this blog, too. One day I'm just going to publish a post that says nothing but: Hi.

Keep walking. Maybe even run. Carter and I have been taking frequent two mile walks since November. Fitness or not, the walks make me feel like I've punched laziness in the face.

Always have a good book. Getting lost in a novel gives me so much to look forward to at night. I've noticed when I've got a book on my nightstand, my mind wanders off to sleep faster because I'm daydreaming about the story, and my head's not racing about petty things in life. Plus, I like to think it improves my writing. If - you want to call it writing.

Keep Carter busy. If I want him to be smart, there's only one way to do it. Get him out, show him things, talk nonstop. Kiss his face. And kiss it again when he wipes it off.

Find more giant flowers and wear them in my hair. I like them.

Want to read a more intelligent take on New Year's resolutions? Click over to my friend Jenney's blog! I love/stalk her, she's addictingly honest about her life. (And check out how awesome her Christmas card was while you're there.)