strategizing

I'm kind of a big deal.
At last. I write about something that coincides perfectly with the title of my blog. I'm feeling cautious about this one. I'm no parenting writer.
But I guess I'm still a parent.
A lot of a toddler's frustrations are channeled into his inability to tell you what he wants. Once he can talk, most of those crying fits are eliminated.
So they say.
Ahem. Let's jump to the unwritten chapter where Carter can mostly tell me in broken words and small sentences every single thing he wants. Except? The sentences gravitate around anything and everything I don't want him to do.
I watch Mee-mouse. I want to watch Mickey Mouse.I want pop. I want a lolly pop.I want dat peece, peas. I want that Pepsi, please.No bath. I not!No like dat [insert any given food I make here].I get tattoo. Kidding. But he may as well say it.
Saying no has truly started beating me down. Not because the crying bothers me, but having days full of battles wears on our supposedtobehappy relationship. I can't stand that my discipline has my little prince personally and tragically offended. I want to tell him yes as often as I can for his entire childhood.
And you know what? No matter how much I explain to him why he can't have or do certain things, it's not going to change the toddler rule of thumb. Kids love things that are bad for them. They hate doing things that are good for them. At his age, disrupting this causes screams and tears.
Since he understands everything I say, I started approaching the requests differently. Instead of outright saying no, I'll figure out a way to work in a yes.
I'm going to interrupt myself for a second here with a typical parenting disclaimer. Children do need to learn to hear no. I'm working on saying no in different ways so Carter can learn right from wrong and still be happy at the same time. There are still tons of circumstances where I have to outright tell him no. And before anyone writes it, he's not spoiled.
Momma, I watch Mee-mouse.I get my voice super excited. Yes, you can! But first we're going to get a nap.He's so thrown off and thrilled by the sound of Yes, that the nap doesn't bother him. The nap isn't even for another hour, but I skipped the battle and turned his request into a reward.
Let's go get a bath.No bath! I not!! Eyebrows are furrowed and fists are even clenched at his sides.Normally, I pick him up, kicking and screaming, and carry him to the tub. Except now, he gets a choice.Ok. Mommy's going upstairs. You can stay here by yourself or come get a bath.{Or the harsher route} Ok. You can sit in Time Out or come get a bath.
We fight less and play more. I'm not teaching no with the ease and simplicity I'd envisioned my previous parenting self, but my house isn't full of constant, heart-broken battles anymore. I think that children carry the early happiness you teach with them for the rest of their lives. When he was a baby, I smiled at him constantly through my tiredness, but I never knew that someday just smiling would come to be this challenging. I've wondered more than once when the crying will stop. After more than two years, the day will come when I've tucked him into bed without having seen a single tear. But I have a feeling that when it happens, I'll be missing his chubby cheeks too much to even notice.
In the meantime, I've taken my Pepsi addiction, poured it into an inconspicuous mug and convinced him that it's yucky coffee.