Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him.

I will not wake to track another temperature, take another pill, prepare another injection or shed another tear.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends and family will never see.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I have been tried by fire and hell many may never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen. And even though I can't make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth, and when life is beyond hard, I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.


New Nursery Poll!

We had to ditch all our previous nursery ideas the second we saw these two set-ups at BuyBuyBaby! They match the taste of our entire home's decor, adding a little baby flair at the same time.
They're made by Glenna Jean. I'm excited about working mocha and chocolate colors into the room because I think browns are really relaxing. Take a look, and vote for your favorite in the side bar to the right! Thanks for helping!

Ashley Crib Bedding

Central Park Bedding

We got a Car Seat!

Matt and I drove all the way to New Jersey this past Saturday (about an hour away) because we wanted to check out BuyBuyBaby. It's a baby superstore that's a relative of Bed Bath & Beyond, you can even use Bed Bath & Beyond's 20% off coupons there. While we were there, we found crib bedding and nursery decor that we love, so we decided to create an additional registry. We got our car seat there, too. It's a Peg-Perego. We stood staring at three colors we liked for 15 minutes at a time, completely unable to make a choice. We took turns watching each other holding and walking with each one, then we'd throw up our hands, go walk around and look at other things, then come back and stare at the colors again. Finally, after our legs couldn't take the aimless wandering for one more minute (and we'd been there for about 2 hours), we decided to go for the boldest choice, our reasoning being: It's a baby, he needs attention! We got the red one. It's crazy cute.

The day we got it, we were so exhausted and unsure if we had picked the right one for us. Now we both agree that we definitely love it. It's just one item, but it's progress - I'm so excited ... and really overwhelmed by all the things we still need to get within the next 3 months. Deciding on colors makes me nuts!

To Bikini or not to Bikini?

You can't help but stare when you see a giant pregnant girl. A giant pregnant girl on the beach. A giant pregnant girl on the beach, without any clothes on. Admit it, your mouth hangs open until she's walked out of viewing distance.

This summer is going to be a little sad for me, I'm 98% sure I'm not going to attempt to rock one of my teeny bikinis, for fear of getting stared at by the entire Jersey Shore. I was thinking about walking really far down the beach to a remote spot - where most people are too lazy to go - and laying out in my bikini there. But the other night I tried on one of my many bikinis, expecting at the very least to be able to fill it out up top nicely for once. SHOCK, HORROR, the thing barely covered any part of me. My little butt crack was even peeking out. Now, there's always the option of going out and - gulp - buying a larger size, just like everything else with a pregnant wardrobe. But that doesn't change the shock factor of the bowling ball belly, exhibited, wildly, in all its glory.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with girls who wear their bikinis while pregnant. You are super brave and confident, and your little baby probably appreciates the sun. As for me, I'm skipping the gawking audience and jumping straight into a sundress while I get my tan.