n(ear) and d(ear)

My YouTube channel (didja know I have one?) attracts all kinds of honest people. Not that I mind, I love the honesty that's drenched into opinions, as long as it's not downright mean.

And I know you're dying to know the comment that actually triggered a blog post from me. But first, you should know that I absolutely don't consider this comment to be mean. Although I don't agree with it, the honesty is refreshing.

Someone wrote about Carter, He's going to need his ears pinned. He's cute though. (If you're not familiar with the surgical procedure of ear pinning, click here.)

You knew it was coming someday. Yes, she's going to write about the baby's big ears.

In my video footage and photos, you can see that Carter's ears stick out, but they aren't nearly as blatant through the eye of the internet as they are when you see him in person. Truly, all you see are ears. The big, blue round eyes come second into your line of vision. It's just the way his features work.

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Strangers in public act taken back by how adorable he is. And I do believe they're marveling on the inside from the cuteness--the cuteness, that is, the ears.

And everyone wants to say it. I can feel them wanting to say it. It's in the air, but they don't dare grab the words --Gosh, his ears are so big and cute! But nobody says it. They pause, they let their wide eyes and silent air hang there, then they finally gush, He's sooo cute! Upon closer examination, some people make it further to, Woah, his eyes are amazing. The ears are always left completely untouched for the entire conversation.

And I stand there thinking, Why? Why don't you just say something about his ears? They're right here, hitting you in the face. He's swinging them over his shoulder like a continental soldier, and they're so stinking cute! At this point, even a simple, woah .. ears, would be acceptable.

Pretending not to notice them just makes everything awkward. The look on your face, awkward. You trying to keep your mouth from hanging open while you're staring, awkward. Commenting on his ears won't offend me. Any (rare, occasional) mention of his ears makes my heart beam with proudness and feel gratitude and admiration to the person who's not afraid to state the obvious. Because when you comment on his ears, that's when I know you mean it when you say he's cute.

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My hunch is that people's hearts go out for me a little because I'm a mother with a big-eared baby. I remember a few years ago seeing a baby whose ears only slightly curved outward (and this was after I studied him kinda hard). The ears didn't make him unattractive by any means, but still, my reaction was to feel bad for his mother and hope that my own babies didn't have big ears. And I know this was my exact thought for myself because I also remember telling myself I was a horrible person for even thinking that thought. How ironic.

The irony takes another twist, and shows me about four years later in love with a pair of soft, beautiful, big ears. You would think I'm saying I love his ears as some sort of defense mechanism, but I don't even think his ears need defending. They're my absolute favorite feature on my baby.

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If, in October 2009, I had gone through 21 hours of labor and ended up only pushing out 2 floppy, adorable ears, I would still be blissfully in love (confused, but in love). The ears make him Carter. They enhance his baby face to the extreme and give him an adorable, cartoon-ish, puppy look.

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So, let's return to that honest YouTube comment and kinda what I wanted the point of this post to be. Pinning ears. Cosmetic surgery for children with features that will most likely cause them to be made fun of. Judging by the size and shape, he won't be growing into these ears. As a parent, can I really make a decision like this for my child when he comes home from school, possibly with tear streaks lining his face, and tells me kids make fun of him? Wasn't he given the ears so he can endure the bullying as a kid and grow up to be stronger and better than all those kids and kick their asses Donald Trump/FacebookDorkyGuy-style? I could leave the decision up to him, but who really knows what age a child is prepared enough to make that kind of permanent decision for his life? Kids switch from Superman to Batman to Ironman on a monthly basis.

In my childhood, I had to wear enormous, thick glasses (I had several other nerdy features to overcome, but I'm trying to keep this simple). I was made fun of throughout elementary school. I hated it, I would never relive it or wish for those years back. They are over, and they made me who I am now.

My mom will still tell you those glasses were cute.

If his ears are pinned, his future will be changed. He won't learn the same kind of strength, but it could also push him into a category that kids really long for while they're growing up - normalcy. Is our childhood more important than our adulthood?

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Not to mention what a cosmetic surgery like that would do to my heart. I'd almost put it in the same category as seeing your child get a tattoo: messing with perfection. Messing with simplicity and the way your body was meant to be. I imagine myself feeling personally offended looking at a post-surgery, normal-eared Carter. The ears are part of the strings he and I have used to tie our bond.




It's a fact:
*Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
*It's been interpreted that big ears predict survival. Men with smaller ears may die at younger ages because ear size may be a marker of biological process related to health.

59 comments:

  1. Those ears are stinking cute, and they are what makes him Carter. I would never change a thing on him, he is perfect just the way he is. Teaching him to love him self and what he looks like is the most important thing and being proud of who he is. Pinning ears is ridiculous and would teach him the exact opposite, that he wasn't good enough how he was. Anyone who doesnt think his ears are gorgeous are insane

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  2. to be honest, the first time i saw Carter as a baby, i was like 'that kid has pretty big ears'
    but they are honestly too cute, like little elf ears :)

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  3. I've had to go through the same thing with Hallie having a large red lump on her lip since she was born. It wasn't as pronounced when she was younger, although obviously still there. Now, it completely blocks her top teeth. I can always tell when someone looks at it, yet never says anything. Completely awkward. I was also offered cosmetic surgery to remove it, but was told that it was no way in harm to her health. That was reasoning enough for us, and now we just tell her it's lipstick left over from an angel's kiss.

    I admire you so much for taking something like that and turning it around to form a positive. And I, too, agree that Carter's ears truly make him Carter.

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  5. Meghann, your honesty in this post is so completley refreshing ! You have an amazing perspective on parenting and Carter is one lucky little boy - I also have a 10 month old baby girl, Zari, and your comments have opened my eyes up to all that is in store for her...not just through this blog, but previous blogs to. Love it !

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  6. Carter is just perfect. He wasn't born with a defect!!!! My brother has big ears that stuck out a little he also had a squint in his eye and had a twitch .. he is now the most handsome man and is very successful ( you can check out photos on my facebook page if you dont believe me) His ears stick out a little but thats him like you said it is one of his cutest features.
    BTW you may have been a geek in school but you are far from that now.
    I am also an inner geek.. ;-)

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  7. I'm not going to lie, I have noticed his ears, and wondered how you felt about pinning, but it really does make him "carter." I don't know what I would do if I was a parent. There was a girl in highschool with the same ears, she had them pinned when she was 17, and guess what, they STILL picked on her for having it done. So who knows. Mimi's defining characteristic will be her father's chin--we dont' know about the nose yet, but she has his chin-lord help her. I'll do a post on it for you!

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  8. i think that as parents, we view our kids', shall we say, "differences" through such a different lens because those things make them seem even more vulnerable to us. i wouldn't change a hair on my little man's head, or his sticky-out ears, even knowing that it took my husband until his late 20s to grow into those same ears. and i wouldn't think you should change a hair on carter's either! he's scrumptious, ears and all.

    i think the youtube comment was on the inappropriate side...but way to handle it with grace.

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  9. Huh, I didn't even know that they could pin ears - the thought has never even crossed my mind. When I first saw a picture of Carter on here, all I thought was "cute ears!". I never even imagined that it could be something negative or undesireable - it was just who he is. :)

    ~Chelsea

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  10. he's beautiful. just the way he is.

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  11. I have been reading your blog since your early pregnancy days...and have yet to post a comment ( not because I don't/didn't love your blog- I am not a comment type of girl), until now. As silly as this sounds, when I read your most recent blog reguarding Carter's ears I found myself smiling, in a proud mother type of way. I am no older than you but I am a mother of three perfectly imperfect children...You should be proud of yourself and your amazing ability to speak the truth...big, cute ears and all! Thank you.

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  12. My JJ has one ear that was pressed against my rib the whole pregnancy, and its folded over in the corner. I do think its the cutest thing ever, but yes I am his mama. But those are the little things that make people unique. I love JJ's ears, they totally fit his personality.
    From what I can tell, carters looks totally fit his personality as well....and I think that boy is pretty darn cute:P
    I'm sorry people say senseless thing like that. I can't even imagine doing something like that (ear pinning) to my kid, I want to raise my child to like himself for who he is. I don't think correct surgery for ears is the way to go.
    God made us all different....for a reason. I say we embrace it:P

    and carter...YOURS STINKING ADORABLE!

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  13. I find this post incredibly on point right now - both me and D have the gene for big stick out ears. I had surgery at age 7 and he did not. My grandmother, mom, and sister also had surgery (I think you knew that though, right?!)... So it's been QUITE the topic of conversation about baby boy's ears. In one sonogram you can actually SEE his ear. No joke. I can't remember if I posted it or not. I love that I had the surgery and I actually asked D if he ever wanted or considered it. Will we have OP's ears done? I don't know. For us, it's tough because one of us had it and the other didn't. Our conversations are more centered around risk v/s aesthetic and we've often compared it to circumcision, which has been another recent debate here... I have a feeling we'll be emailing about this again :) Lots of comments - our boys won't be alone with their ears so that's reassuring, right?! :) Hope we can get together now that you are closer! We'll be in GV in March - will you be near then???

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  14. Meghann, don't ever change anything about Carter. God made everyone of us unique. He's perfect just the way he is. I think he's adorable with the big ears. My kids have big ears and so do I. I wouldn't change a thing either.

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  15. What a lovely thing to say. I completly agree I think Carter is a lovely looking little boy. I also think Meghann And Matt have brought him up exceptionally well........I have followed Meghann when I first found out I was preganant and she has helped me in so many ways. Thank you Meghann. XXXXXXX

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  16. Hmmm? I would tend to agree with you. Carter's ears are big, stick out and are just what separates Carter from all the other babies in the world. They are Carter. He makes big, floppy ears look good. My son, who is a tad older than Carter (and shares his name as his middle name!) was born with a SEVERELY herniated belly button. It stuck out about 1 1/2 to 2 inches. It was massive. You couldn't NOT look at it. It was like a second penis. LOL Really. We opted to have the surgery to repair it...mostly because it could have become a medical issue later, but still...I look at his "normal" belly button now, and a part of me misses the old belly. It sort of defined my baby. I didn't mind it. So, go with your gut. Keep Carter, Carter. Love your youtube channel by the way. Carter is adorable, big ears and all. <3

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  17. New Follower here! When I first saw a picture of your beautiful boy I did notice the ears, but he is just absolutely beautiful! Everyone has something that they feel make them unique and I have to tell you - I know you said that ears continue to grow and everything, but I do have a friend that throughout most of his life, his ears were HUGE ... but then, by the end of his high school years, it just became less obvious. I think that once Carter grows up and gets taller, you will look at him and his ears will just be ... ears :) Love the blog! Thanks for sharing!

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  18. Add me to the list of people who have been following you for awhile but have yet to post. I just have to add that Carter is absolutely beautiful. I have always thought his ears were adorable. I do NOT think that large ears, or ears that stick out more make a young man ANY less attractive. I have known plenty of VERY handsome boys and men that have similar ears. Given you and your husband's genes he will be handsome regardless!!! I think you did handle your response with grace, but i think the comment was out of line.

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  19. Hi Meghann,

    My names Ashlee & I live in Australia. I have been following your blog and youtube postings since I found out I was pregnant last year. I had never followed blogs or watched youtube videos until I saw yours.
    I now have a beautiful 4 month old daughter named Lola.
    I just wanted to say thankyou for sharing your beautiful family and adorable Carter with us all.

    Carter is just too cute for words. You have a fantastic way with words and I think what you wrote above was one of the most honest and brilliant pieces of writing I've come across.

    To be honest myself, when I saw Carter, what I saw first and foremost was how very loved he was by his proud mum and dad. Sure, Carter is one of the most cutest bubs I've seen (physically), but your blog and videos show so much more than that. They show a deep love that is truly priceless.

    Carter is perfect just the way God made him, and I feel the world is not all that bad a place when there are parents like you in it that give your children the best life possible. The ability for Carter to be free spirited, innocent and loved unconditionally really shines through in your postings.

    So thanks Meghann for making me strive to be the best parent I can be.

    Never change - all my best.

    ash xx

    ps - if your ever in Australia, our door is always open to your beautiful family. x

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  20. Personally I always saw Carter as a whole person and never noticed his ears until others brought it up and I still don't see the issue....call me crazy - he's perfect----so beautiful!

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  21. I like this insight, a lot. I am almost 36 weeks with my own little guy and have spent a lot of time thinking about what he will look like. But in all honesty what I don't usually admit to is that I spend time WORRYING over what he will look like. You really made me realize that the individual little person he is, and will grow into, will be beautiful and unique and probably not fit into every single category of "normal". I have watched Carter grow and have never thought him any less than adorable, and his ears are beautiful, they are him, they are Carter.

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  22. Oh for heaven's sake - they're just ears! If the "normal" kids make fun of him his entire academic career for his EARS - you don't want him to be "normal".

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  23. Carter and his ears are beautiful thanks for Harpers birthday wishes x

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  24. He's perfect just the way he is!!! My 9 month old daughter's ears stick out a bit too, and they are absolutely adorable! The nerve of some people...

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  25. Honestly, the first thing I notice about Carter is those big beautiful eyes, followed by his adorable expressions.

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  26. Carter is HONESTLY one of the most beautiful babies I've ever seen. I most definitely know that his big precious ears contribute a huge amount to that.

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  27. I said it right from the start that his ears were adorable.Also a little fact on getting ears pinned....it is one of the MOST painful procedures to go through.Don't change a thing on that cute boy :) God made him floppy eared and big blue eyed for a reason.

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  28. WOW! people have nothing better to do but leave comments on someone elses child. Carter is perfect, healthy,and one very much love little boy and he is very happy. I hate the comments on there at are the rudest come from people that have no pictures or stuff on there profile.

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  29. How would Carter feel if you paid to have his ears "fixed"? Even if he decides at 10 he wants it done because kids tease him. What are we teaching our kids? mommy doesn't like the way you look either? Later on in life he might wonder why mom didn't disagree with everyone else and tell me they were part of who I am. My daughter was born with a stork bite on her top lip that was bright red. When family and friends came to see her for the first time they would stare and ask "what happened to her lip?" I would tell them "nothing, its a birthmark." They would still proceed to make a sad face and say "oh" as if they were sorry for her. She's 8 months now and you can barely see it and most people notice her huge dimples before anything else. I feel like these "imperfections" in our babies make us better people. When I look into my baby's eyes, I see the beauty an innocence in her soul. I feel sorry for people who can't do the same and are so influenced by the negativity in our society that teaches us that beauty is only on the outside. Growing up I was always told how pretty I was but now that I have my daughter I want to teach her to be a sweet, honest, respectful, smart person and beauty on the outside is just a bonus. You and Carter are both beautiful. So obvious you love him sooo much and he knows it. This is my second favorite blog post by you, the first being the apple story. That still cracks me up.

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  30. @Sarah Thanks Sarah! I've thought a lot about this, and I've actually never thought about it that way, pinning ears would definitely teach him the opposite of being confident in himself

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  31. @Stephanie Thigpen Stephanie, I look at your blog often, and I truly never noticed the spot on her lip until you just told me & I went and looked for it.
    But yeah, I know what you mean when you can tell what ppl are looking at, but they don't say anything.
    Lipstick from an angel's kiss is an awesome thing to tell her, so beautiful & creative!

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  32. @LaneyDucky Thanks Laney! It's funny, I feel like I have no idea what my parenting view are in day to day life sometimes, until I sit down to write on my blog, then everything i believe & stand for starts to seem so much more clear in my head :)

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  33. @Tara thanks tar! I def have a feeling you're bluffing about your inner geek, i don't think there's a dorky hair on your supermodel head :P
    i think i remember seeing pics of your brother on facebook, i don't remember the ears, i'll have to go back and look xox

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  34. @JKL ugh thanks for the 17 yr old's story, I can totally imagine that. the website i read says if they need to be done, kids usually get them done when they're around 4 or 5 years old (before the school torment can begin) which makes sense, but also freaks me out because it's only 3 years away. not that we're having his ears done, just saying.
    I've never even noticed mimi's chin. can't wait to read your blog about it though.

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  35. @Brittany thanks brittany! i don't plan to change him either, but if he requests it, then it might be a different story. i don't know, the whole situation is confusing

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  36. @sarah thanks for first-time commenting sarah!! :) i'm glad you could smile & relate, that's a lot of why i wrote it. Three kids, that's amazing! I feel like Carter is equivalent to five kids sometimes :P

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  37. Carter is precious - absolutely! Ears and all~
    I love your blog and also have been a follower since you pregnancy on Youtube.

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  38. @GinH AH we have a major commonality now ginger! I vaguely remember talking about the ears in your fam back in high school, but now it's coming back to me. i'd love to hear more about your version of your surgery, what you think about your baby having it & things like that :) i'm soo so excited you're due soon! i can't wait to see pictures & hear about how everything goes for you! i know you're prob so over being preggo right about now.
    when in march will you be there? my mom's bday is the 6th so i imagine i'm going to want to go visit. and anyway, it's only an hour and a half from where we are & my schedule's an open book, so let me know when you're there. if not, i think you have my email & facebook? xox lusegovich

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  39. Your baby Carter is perfect - ears and all. :)

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  40. I can`t imagine Carter without those amazing ears.

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  41. I remember watching a blog where u r mentioning someone saying something mean about his ears and my mouth dropped..I thought how aweful!!

    My 5month old son taught me something about myself...I always hated my cheeks cause they are big and I have dimples(like a cabbage patch doll). People always say how much they like them..my husband says when he first saw me he fell in love with my cheeks *sigh*.. but I still didn't like them...my son has my cheeks now :D and boy are they cute!! No one shys around mentioning them right from the start LOL ... It makes me proud to know he got them from me :)

    ...and Carter has ur ears..that's what I think about when I see him..u! And when he grows up he'll be proud to know he has those cute ears from YOU!!
    As far as him being teased..kids wont tease if they know what they say doesn't hurt a kid..u just teach Carter to always love himself and he WILL grow up strong and confident.

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  42. I had to leave a comment. Carter is a cute kid, no doubt, but what is cute on a kid, is NOT cute on a teenager and adult. We see toddlers with funny teeth, huge eyes, and yes, big sticking out ears, and we say they are "cute" or they give them "character" but the truth is is that these things aren't so cute when the child faces the world, and the harsh reality that comes with it.
    Carter will be teased recklessly for his ears, and just because you love them and think they are perfect the way they are, is no way to vouch for not protecting him. If Carter was born with a big mole on his face, would you say you loved it too because it's part of him, therefore he needs to learn to deal with the ridicule?

    I can guarantee that when Carter is older and can make his own decisions, he will get them done because they are not cute anymore. Simple as that. Girls can wear their hair long to cover many imperfections, boys not so much. Carter may be so desperate to hide his ears he may do things that will break your heart. He's innocent right now, but not forever. When we have a child, as perfect as they are, we need to look at them from an outside light too, and try to protect them as much as we can. True, he may be made fun of for many other reasons, but not doing his ears is setting him up to be a target. Like it or not.

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  43. Quite honestly I've never really noticed them until now, I mean I knew they popped out to the sides ...I don't see stuff like this like flaws and stuff and when I see baby like this I the inner beauty.. Your baby is one of the cutest babies i ever saw!! plus those silly ears! ;)

    -Ashton, green bay, Wi

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  44. Carter is soooooooo nice, so cute little boy! I love him. Come back to You Tube!

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  45. I too wore thick glasses as a child. Thank God for contacts! I hate wearing glasses now (but I love sunglasses). I think I still hate eyeglasses because of the teasing and bullying, but I'm finally starting to make peace with my blindness. I'm an adult now, a lot of people wear glasses, it is ok! Also, they make me look smart. LOL! So sometimes, when my eyes are dry or itchy, and I have to wear glasses, I'm ok with it.

    So, about Carter's ears, I think it should be his decision. He might get picked on, but that will make him an empathetic person. It will help him relate to others as he goes through life. So yeah, if when Carter is 14 or 15 he comes to you and says he wants his ears pinned back, then I would do it. He is so cute!

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  46. Hi!

    First of all, I want to say I really enjoy your blog and your videos!!! I was watching them week by week when I was pregnant (they really helped me to go through my pregnancy) and now I'm watching how Carter grows - he is so adorable! I think that his ears make him special and I wouldn't do anything to change them!!!

    I just want to say - I strongly disagree with people saying that when Carter is older he will have to do something with his ears so he doesn't look funny. What is wrong with being a bit different from others? Everybody is different and we should embrace those differences.

    Maybe if we weren't trying so hard to fix everything that we consider "abnormal" we wouldn't even notice that his ears are big.

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  47. You are right. Your child and every child is born perfect. No alterations or disassembly required. God/nature made every part on man and woman for a reason and in many variations.

    I can especially relate to what you said here:

    "Not to mention what a cosmetic surgery like that would do to my heart. I'd almost put it in the same category as seeing your child get a tattoo: messing with perfection. Messing with simplicity and the way your body was meant to be."

    I feel that way about circumcision. It's not medically necessary anymore and only performed for "cultural" and "cosmetic" reasons.

    I couldn't imagine someone doing that to my son. Like you said: "Messing with simplicity and the way your body was meant to be."

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  48. I think his ears are perfect. They are his. They are just right for him.

    ITA with Faith's post above.

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  49. First, there's a chance he might actually grow into them. I had ears like that. Guess I still do. But as an adult they don't look weird.

    (Of course, not that it matters at all, but just sharing my experience).

    Are we related or something? :D Your son has ears EXACTLY like my brother. Exactly! :D

    How insane that someone would suggest surgery, pain, risk, etc for big ears! Or anything for that matter!

    We are such a superficial, conditional culture! Kudos to you for excepting your son as he is: with a whole, perfect body!

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  50. My baby girl Abigail is one this week, she's had big ears since birth. Family members used to comment all the time, never a stranger. I love them! She looks like a little elf and I agree with you, it makes her look like a baby. (She's also almost completely bald.) Go ears!

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  51. Yes Meghann. He is cute as a button, so there's nothing to worry about. He'll eventually grow into it. Just let Carter decide when he grows up if he wants his ears pinned back.

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  52. Meghann - i saw this video today and remembered this post. i'm not saying i agree or disagree with what the family has done, i feel everyone makes their own decisions based on what's best for them and their family (and i'm certainly not saying this is the route you are going to take or not take) i just wanted to share it with you, since it reminded me so much of this post and your thoughts regarding Carter. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/video/us-22424932/bullied-child-gets-plastic-surgery-24902722.html i hope you don't find my posting it "pushy" i just simply wanted to share a perspective of a parent who is a few years ahead of what you are with Carter and the route that they took. i love how at the end of the day, everything aside, our children are the most perfect thing that God created.

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  53. @Melissa thank you melissa! i think this video definitely convinced me that i'd never do that to carter, i think that little girl was cuter with big ears.

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  54. I have to tell you that his ear are hands down my favorite feature on him. They are so precious and they do add to his, I don't know, little boy(?) look. I adore them. I think they are absolutely adorable.

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  55. He's cute just the way he is! Not in spite of his ears, but because of them, and everything else about him! I'm glad he has a mom who knows he's perfect and doesn't want to change him. =)

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  56. There is not one thing I would change about this precious little soul. You are ever so blessed. ♥

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  57. I stumbled on this post tonight. I've been following you since I was pregnant with my one year old son who was also born in October. he is a year younger than Carter. I have always had a thing for ears, they are one of the first things I look at when I see people. I love ears. I think they are so adorable. I love love love elf ears. Honestly, I just love them. My art project in college ceramics was an elf tea pot. I should post a picture (ears!). Carter is beautiful. I wish I had bigger( mine are too small) ears that stuck out on top to make my check bones look higher and give my head a more beautiful shape. I just love them.

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