day 6: your most embarrassing moment

oh. no.

Every minute of my middle school years was an embarrassment.

Alright, first I guess I should paint a picture for you.

I was the scraggly type of skinny with thick, giant, plastic glasses, stringy hair, crooked teeth, and I was constantly nervous when someone talked to me. Scribble out that last was, I'm still shy.


When teachers called on me in class to tell them an answer, blood rushed to my face, my throat immediately closed up, and I struggled to clear it so my voice could get through.

I got worked up because I knew I'd get made fun of by the boys in my class. Ironically, they always laughed at me trying to clear my throat and my whisper of an answer to the teacher. The popular girls were just as bad, but they were less obvious about it - they just made it clear that they would never, ever be seen speaking to me. Yeah.

I never let any of them see how they affected me; how I was humiliated whenever I was forced to stand out. The object of my days was to blend in. Not cause any attention. Not get laughed at or have them get in my face and yell things like, C'mon! during sports ... or other random words in the hallway just because seeing the reaction on my face when they got that close to me and screamed was like a fun game to them. There were also a couple nicknames I'm not strong enough to admit to publicly on the internet.

In seventh grade, our literature teacher had us do monthly book reports ... and by reporting, we had to stand in front of the class and talk about the book for a minimum of two entire minutes. We could use note cards, but we weren't allowed to read from them. We could only write key phrases on a total of 3 cards, and that wicked teacher checked the notecards for any rule breaking before we stood up to talk.

You cannot even imagine the torment a person like me went through during the week of those reports. For every day that got closer to my turn, they may as well have been executing me. I suppose I got through them alright.

Except once.

I hadn't eaten that day because my nerves had me nauseous, and on top of that, my stomach was starting to twist into knots. I walked to the podium with my notecards. I looked up to see thirty-something of my enemies staring at me in silence, waiting for new material. I already knew they were judging my hair. My face. My shoes. Whatever else was wrong with me that I was oblivious to. My face pulsed. I stared at my notecards, waiting for the words I'd written to remind me of the speech I'd practiced. No words came. The only thing that existed was the heat under my face. The silence ticked on, and what was probably 10 seconds felt like four minutes of gawking silence.

I guess by the time I'd formed some sort of sentence, I'd failed to notice that my throat had long since done the whole closing up routine, and the sounds I made were muffled by the lumpy frog. Some snickers popped around the room.

The heated face temp rose to boiling; sentence formation flew out the window. I flung my head in the direction of my teacher - and I guess she read my eyes the only way they could be read - filled with plea to get me out of this situation. Her voice was void of any inkling of pity - Meghann, sit down and regroup.

What?! Nobody regroups around here. We get up, robot through our task, clap for eachother and sit back down. We all play through like we're confident and know what we're doing. Nobody falters. Not at book reports, not at life.

I crumpled into my desk and did the worst thing I could have possibly done in that moment. I put my head down and cried. In the silence. With everyone watching. The teacher said nothing.

I want to finish this story for you, but I don't remember anything else but the tears, the stinging embarrassment and the dark comfort of my head tucked into my folded arms on the desk after that. I know there were gasps, and I know that I hated everyone there with a sharp rage because they were being so quiet. I knew if I'd looked up, I would have seen people looking back and forth from eachother to me with their OhmyGod looks on their faces and mouths wide open. I knew I'd just been filed into a new, never seen category of nerd-dom ... probably the same one as the kid with B.O. who wiped his boogers under desks ... and that thought pushed even more tears onto the desktop. Then I realized I was crying, and that made me cry even harder.

By now they've all forgotten how they treated me for those years. Looking back, they'll remember I was a dork and nothing more. They'll continue in their self-righteousness and oblivion. But me? I'm better for all I endured.

In life, when I've been asked my my most embarrassing moment, explaining it never quite conveys the grave impact that day had in my mind. Few know the daily internal struggle I lived with or the personalities of my classmates. The ones who do understand have likely fought through similar situations in school as a kid.

I've tried telling Matt the story, and it came out something like, I was a major nerd ... we had to make these speeches ... I forgot my words ... I sat back down and cried in front of everyone. And when Matt looked unmoved, I'd rehash, Matt, I cried. In front of EVERYONE.

Uh yeah, that sounds bad, he might have said. (Yes, he has a seat reserved at this computer chair as soon as I'm finished writing this post.) Not to sound completely off my rocker, but I'm 900% sure that if he had been there - or even seen me at that age - he never would have married me.

I'm happy I got to write my most embarrassing moment for you. When I write, everything's so much easier to explain. Please still be my friend.

And my second most embarrassing moment? Posting these pictures of myself on the internet.



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Day 1. I have a three month old and already I'm thinking, I'm going to miss him at this age. Have you felt that way, and what age do you miss the most?
Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3.
A photo that makes you happy
Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5. A YouTube video
Day 6. Your m
ost embarrassing moment
Day 7.
Do you believe in the "cry until he sleeps" method?
Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!
Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?
Day 10.
What are some of your favorite MAC products, and what foundation/powder do you wear?
Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13. Write a blog thanking someone who's made your heart come alive.

Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!
Day 15.
What do you wish for?
Day 16. How old was Carter when he started sleeping through the night and how did you do this?
Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18. If you could, what would you tell yourself before you had your baby?
Day 19. Write about your significant other
Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.
Day 21. Write about your most vivid childhood memory. Post a picture of you taken over ten years ago.
Day 22.
What did you do today?
Day 23.
Who's your celebrity look alike?
Day 24. What is God teaching you presently?
Day 25. Style 31. Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26. What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27. Who are your favorite bloggers?
Day 28. Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29. Your day, in great detail
Day 30.
What do you think is going to happen to you after you die?
Day 31. Your favorite quote

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  1. WHY do teachers ever make kids stand up in front of everyone and do speeches? WORST idea ever! on a happier note. I totally had the same white shoes as your first picture ...and wore them with the same white I may of also owned a similar sweater shirt however in grey and pink :)So you were not alone in your amazing wardrobe as a child...we were all in it together!Probably similar boats for the whole speech fears sweating even thinking about it

  2. My most embarassing moments were also in middle school. Being a chunky kid apparently screams. torment me! Thanks for sharing.

  3. Thanks for sharing hun, you are have an amazing way of writing. Keep up the good work, keep on writing.

  4. I think alot of people can relate to this post and what matters most is youve grown up to be an beautiful person inside and out..FYI I think this pics are cute:)

  5. WOW! This hit so close to home.
    I am sorry you had to go through this.
    Teachers also SUCK when they make you do this and don't care about the students feelings! :(

  6. Wow. This post was very moving. Definitely hit very close to home for me, as I was tormented all my school life. My only difference is I wasn't shy and became the 'mean girl' and when I tried to change that in high school, no one noticed.
    Thanks for sharing! You're a stronger woman now because of this :)

  7. That could have been my entire middle school experance. I was that girl. I was teased and made fun of all the time. I think I'm a better person for it. :)

  8. I am so sorry kids are horrible.. Thank you for sharing your story I am sure it was hard but I think you made a very cute little girl and your classmates where just shallow. Their loss, your an amazing person and mother :)

  9. @mandeeking746 my mom says i was cute too, and looking at my pictures now that i'm older, i can see a little cuteness in them, but what they mostly remind me of is how much i hated that age

  10. @jenn i know what you mean. the "cool" kids who weren't teased prob don't have the strength we do today

  11. @mommatojoa she was def a sucky teacher! very mean, it's hard to believe she sat and watched it all

  12. @KAD33 thanks! i hate them though. :) i hope a few ppl do read this and try to teach their children to be kind at all costs

  13. @Britney i know what you went through - but on the opposite spectrum.

  14. @MegannT i always wondered that too, learning to stand up and speak at such a young age seems so cruel when you're all sitting in a classroom full of cruel kids. public speaking should be reserved for college when we all have our personalities (and looks) figured out. love the 2 n's in your name :)

  15. I could have written this. I was very shy in school (still am a little) and I hated with a passion getting up in front of class and talking even if I did get to read off my paper. I always would get flustered and feel the red in my cheeks and all eyes staring at me and my heart pounding. It was terrifying. I know exactly how you feel. I'd always have someone making fun of me.
    It wasn't easy and it's nice to know someone else that feels the same way.

  16. Oh yeah, and I had those thick ugly plastic glasses too! lol :)

  17. You know what the best thing about this post is??? It's a reminder of how much we GROW from those horrible days. I had sooooo many of those ugly duckling moments too...with glasses and REALLY BAD acne and poofy hair that looked like a lion's mane. But we grow into ourselves and meet people who accept us for who we are and have beautiful kids who love us no matter what. I never would've guessed that you were ever that shy little girl because you are now a beautiful, graceful wife and mother. Thanks for having the courage to share!

  18. aww Meghann! This sounds so traumatic for you! I don't think you looked that dorky either.. you have pretty eyes and perfect skin! But I guess as soon as you put on glasses you become a stereotype kids love to pick on. I also hated book reviews.. I tried to pick a sophisticated book so I'd look really smart but my teacher said it was too complex for me so she picked out a book about where the poo goes when it leaves the toilet!! When it was my turn I was so nervous I hid under the teachers desk! Then when I was dragged out and made to stand.. I vomited everywhere! I agree with everyone that public speaking shouldn't be forced at such a young age

  19. I can totally relate to this blog. Public speaking in class was horrible. I couldn't even stand the thought of the teacher calling on me for the answer. I would pretend I didn't know the answer, when I did, just because panic would flow through me as my name was called. eek! I still greatly dislike public speaking. I have a 14 month old daughter and from a new parents view, this blog makes me so sad. I hope my daughter doesn't go through what you or I did, just because as you know you want to protect your children from all that hurts. I'm still shy also, and being a parent has really forced me out of my comfort zone many times, just trying to socialize my daughter. LOL


  20. ah man, junior age kids are ruthless. your story made me wanna cry!! my most embarrassing moment that has stuck with me through all these years is also from junior hight. kids are jerks.

  21. I can't believe you would lose followers over this!! It's a great post, your very open and many people would relate. I'm loving that your posting everyday, although I'm sure it's hard work to keep up. Loved the video too, keep up the great work and thanks for sharing.

  22. Firstly, Im in shock! This could be MY story. I was sooooo dorky growing up! I was all skin and bones (people used to ask my mum if she was feeding me properly!) I had HUGE teeth and was hassled about this on a daily basis.The names they used to call me still hurt to this day!

    Secondly, The people who 'unfollowed' you will in no doubt be feeling 'guilty'. I bet THEY were bullies growing up( and probably still are!)
    This post personally made me want to follow you more!I like the fact that you're 'real'. Its quite rare to find someone whos beautiful on the outside and humble too.

  23. @Kate thanks kate!! i used to try to gain weight by chugging chocolate milk & eating spoonfuls of peanut butter haha :) luckily as i got older to highschool & college it turned into a decent figure while all the meaner girls got kinda ummm fat!
    i know what you mean about the names. if i even try to say them to someone, i get teary eyed.

  24. @kriznizzel thank you! yeah i'm going to have to stop writing such long posts or else i'm going to drop this project 31 from exhaustion!

  25. @Anonymous teachers calling on you for the answer is the WORST! i was just so nervous my answer would be wrong. i also think about carter going through things like this, it makes me so mad to think about. i have a feeling he'll need glasses like i did ...
    being a parent has done a lot for me too, it's helped me care less about what ppl think and just focus on carter and doing things that are fun for him

  26. @petai agree, public speaking is too traumatic for young kids, everyone just wants to fit in & it's forcing them all to stand out and judge each other. i'm guessing the throw up was one of your most embarrassing moments?!

  27. @Ihilani it is amazing how we change with years & figure ourselves out. i had a couple friends in that class, looking back, they truly were good people to have been my friends at that time

  28. @Jill i know! even reading off a paper, your mind can't even process the words your reading. those glasses were definitely the worst, i have contacts now & don't let ANYONE see me in glasses

  29. Thank you for sharing this. It's nice to know you're not alone. I was the exact same way in school. In presentations or speeches I would turn bright red and talk really fast.
    In grade 8 my teacher made us talk for a minimum of five minutes in front of the class, and he recorded it!!
    Once everyone was done, he played the videos in class and got the students to critique each other. And of course I was bashed for being "so quiet and shy"
    It was horrible!

    But when all is said and done, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

    -Rachel :)

  30. Meghann, I bet it took a lot of courage putting that post up. But it has probably made you stronger. Kids can be cruel and I can relate. Btw the pics of you are very cute. I especially like the second to last one. You were adorable, and so innocent. Life can detach us from our innocence sometimes, but it sounds like you've remained true and genuine. PS I love your blog; you write very well. :)

  31. Kids are such assholes to each other sometimes. I think everyone can relate to this story in one way or another. Deep inside we're all dorky. Especially me. haha.

    Rock on!

    My Vlog:

  32. @The Crazy Hat Lady thanks! it did take a lot of guts for me to write this, and especially put the pictures in it because my "internet friends" don't know me as the nerd i was :)

  33. @Anonymous that sounds horrible! it should be illegal! i remember we had to raise our hands and critique each other for some things. wow, teachers, just wow.

  34. OH my gosh. This is the first time I've found your blog - I just wanted to say that this was TOTALLY me in middle school. And the beginning of high school. I was the biggest nerd, and standing up in front of classmates was my biggest fear. It still makes me upset to think about those times to. this. day. My husband doesn't really get it either! Even now that I'm not so dorky anymore and my friends now have no idea what I was like back then, I think the voices of the mean classmates are still in my head - it seriously has affected my self esteem for my entire life! Yuck, I wish I could erase middle school from my memory!

  35. Those photos are cute. they made you who you are today. Do you know what i was worse than that. I had a stutter due to my dyslexia plus i had a thick irish accent in an american school where everyone made fun of me for frizzy mousey brown hair and i had googly eyes and everything seemed to be out of place i hated school full stop. Every 2 years I would move and to make it worse i was always the new kid. But going through that made me stronger for today. even though I am still shy too. I get through it by always saying to much , trying to hard, and well making people laugh so they can laugh with me and not at me ;-)

  36. Whoa, that sounds like a story out of my life. I totally understand. Middle school was the worst thing ever! By the way, I bet even if Matt was in your class or knew you then, he still would have married you! I knew my husband in middle school (not well, but we were on the same rec soccer team). He married me even though I suck at soccer and was a huge dork! I was so quiet I got all the awards for most well behaved. LOL! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!