dating again


Once I got married, I was happy to be finished with the whole awkward dating scene. No more wondering if someone likes me. No more figuring out if I should be the one to call or not. Outfits gradually transform from sexy to a casual cute. All the games, over. Matt and I settled into our comfortable marriage, socializing when we weren't feeling lazy, and didn't worry about much that didn't involve each other.

Then we had a baby.

At first I thought it was just me. Since we moved here, we've been on the prowl for a little friend and his mommy to sit at playgrounds with. But I'm starting to get the feeling that every new mom around here is out on mission to find a friendly matchup for herself and her baby.

After a long, pleasemakeherlikeme poolside convo this afternoon with a random chick who had a toddler Carter's age, she popped the question. Do you play date?

I've never heard anyone put it that way before, but literally, I may as well have just been asked out by a boy. Do I 'play date'? Yes! Well, no. I mean, we want to. Ugh, I can tell I'm already a play dater on the verge of getting dumped.

(My mom used to hate when we used that word.)

There's a reason we're all calling them play dates ... because really, I'm feeling those same social stressors I had in high school. Requirements for a match? I'm not sure exactly. Here's the gist I'm getting from the parental dating world:

*Both moms should have similar styles. There are the highly makeup'd, girlie ones (ahem, me). There are the ones who don't comb their hair. There are lots of in betweens. There has to be a slight possibility that you'd be friends in life, had you no babies. Ideally, you can have long conversations that don't include child-raising topics.

*Must live within 10-15 minutes driving distance of each other.

*Moms should approve of each other. One mom might see a general attitude/parenting style she doesn't like, so she won't make a love connection. Other moms (like me) just want to be liked and don't care so much about whether she nursed her baby for a year or has her kid diligently working on manners.

*Toddlers should be close in age. Moms are almost always giddy about meeting another baby within a month or two of her own baby's age. Birthdays within a couple days of each other? Golden. We were meant for each other. Other matchup discrepancies can be overlooked.
*Bonus for same sex babies.

*Friendly toddler/baby interaction during all of the above judgy-judgy, sizing up business is nice, but not usually important. Baffling, I know.

*Husbands meet? No idea. I've never gotten that far.

I've had tons of fails. You know a fail when you're talking to another mom during a playgroup/social situation, and you just can't push the conversation past the babies' ages, where you live, and another two or so general questions. Someone grows disinterested, or silence might even hit. That girl's wearing too much makeup. (Seriously, I know what they're thinking about me.) Nope, we won't be asking for each other's numbers.

Poolside chick and I exchanged numbers and made playground plans for later this week. This is the first time I've ever witnessed a successful play date set up with a complete stranger.

Ooh. And with me.

Carter went to sleep tonight, probably with no recollection of the same-sized, blonde friend he shared his ball with this afternoon. But me? My day was made.


blogs need dates, too.
Top Baby, Daddy & Mommy Blogs on TopBabyBlogs.Com


  1. Being a mommy and trying to make mommy friends is a VERY hard thing to do and you described it perfectly.. Im an in between mommy (not a completely mess and for sure not "over make-up'd") I have a hard time when it comes to being a conversationalist. I find myself just talking about the kids (or complaining about the husband). I like going to groups where there are more then one mom and tons of kids.. That way you know your kid is being played with and surely there will be at least one mom I can talk to.. Good luck in the Mommy play dating world!!

  2. I've pretty much given up on this idea. (Though if we lived near each other, we'd totally hang!) The moms I meet seem so....OLD. I'm 31 and can't seem to find any moms near me that are girlie, fun and nice. They are all well into their 40s.

  3. I'm so not ready for that. I've turned into a bit of a hermit since I had D, lol. Good luck!

  4. I agree with Christy! Although, I'm even younger! At 25 I find it so hard to find another fun young mum who has an interest in girlie things as well as trying to make their tot the best dressed on the playground lol. Great blog! hit the nail on the head :)

  5. @Peta me too. they are few & far between. i don't think i'm really immature, but i'm more easy going/young actingthan a lot of the chicks i meet

  6. @Raising a Warrior i miss the hermit days! i loved having an excuse to stay in & just stare at my little baby all day!!

  7. @Christy they do seem old. even the young ones act old. i can't figure it out.

  8. @Robin W. i'm not a good conversationalist either, which is a major disadvantage in this game. i don't do too great in the groups ... it always seems like the few who know each other stick to their conversations, and the rest of the girls sitting around can't get connections going

  9. I'm pretty sure I can't adequately explain to you how THRILLED I am that you are back! I seriously have not known what to do with myself for 20 minutes every day the last couple weeks except sit on your blog and refresh the page. Lame? OK, maybe a little, ...but I seriously LOVE your blog (and videos when you make them). My daughter is 14 months, and all along the way, I've been watching and reading to find out what the next few months with her will be like. Your blog has been lots of help...and just plain entertaining as well. Welcome back and congrats on your new house!!

  10. Oh my goodness funny cuz I met a gal and her little guy in Wall Mart recently and we hit it off in line and I invited her over for a play date last week and we had a GREAT time. Like a better time than I have had with any other gal that I have even known well. I think I am going to keep my eye out for more random strangers from now on! hehe!! SO glad this opportunity came up for you and by the way love CArter's shoes!

  11. This makes me so happy- for you and for Carter! I hope it works out and you've both found a new friend! Tackling those terrible twos will be so much easier with a buddy on your side that you can commiserate with! And if we lived nearby I know our Carters would be best buddies and we could hang out all day talking about girlie things!

  12. I so know what you mean...I too HATE the awkward dating scene and meeting new mommies is no different. And then you do all this introductory stuff just to hit a roadblock within one of those qualifying factors you mentioned (I'm usually seen as not "mommy" enough...pardon me for trying to stay myself).

  13. Your post could not be more spot on!! Two years ago I graduated college and followed my Mr. to Chicago. I was shocked at how hard it was to friend date! Now that I'm pregnant things have been even harder. I've been on three 'pregnant-friend' dates - one even insisted on buying my brunch! Not much has come of it and as I prep for baby I become more concerned about finding someone who I can click with. I so desire some community.