Thirty

Have you ever heard of anyone who's happy to turn thirty?

Me either.

I was fully set on not blogging about this birthday because I didn't want to glorify it in any way. For some silly reason or another, I always end up in tears on my birthdays, and I knew even considering the number this year would gear up some sobs. I mean, I'm officially closer to 40 than 20. My vanity-ridden tendencies translate the word thirty as unattractive. Yes, I fully expected to wake up suddenly and blatantly uglier than I was before I went to sleep.

So, I did what any setonstaying29 year old would do. I slept in super late and was prepared to ignore the giant "10" date staring at me on my iPhone calendar. Carter was at his grandma's and Matt had gone to work.

But my darn phone. I have facebook alerts set on my phone, so every ten seconds I got a wall post buzz in from someone reminding me I'm thirty.

Today I wasn't struck by any fabulous revelations about what I want for myself or how life's supposed to be by the time you hit this age. It's possible I was just avoiding the typicality of it all - the should be's and will do's just seem so overdone, probably because it's so close to the New Year. I know I have everything I've ever wanted; my husband loves me madly, and the baby I've longed for is learning love.

I still love sleeping like a teenager, throwing clothes on the floor, playing with my makeup and drinking Pepsi for breakfast. I spend silly amounts of money on candles, and I suck at returning phone calls. I don't moisturize, and I can't parallel park. I wear chipped purple nail polish and my hair's way too long. I am thirty. Thirty will not change me. At any rate, it looks like I'm the one changing thirty.

Thirty year olds are expected to act like responsible adults, but really, I think it's just something that happens to us over time and not something we should even consider working at. Maturity comes naturally as soon as you realize you want the best - not so much for yourself anymore - but for your husband, child, parents and siblings.

Instead of trying to act my age, I plan to shoot backwards. I want to always be able to relate to Carter while he's growing up and never let the perils of bills, grocery lists or disappointments age me.

Still, life pauses for none of us. I'm trusting memories of my youth and the innocence in Carter's eyes will continue to carry me into the years with grace.