Thirty


Have you ever heard of anyone who's happy to turn thirty?

Me either.

I was fully set on not blogging about this birthday because I didn't want to glorify it in any way. For some silly reason or another, I always end up in tears on my birthdays, and I knew even considering the number this year would gear up some sobs. I mean, I'm officially closer to 40 than 20. My vanity-ridden tendencies translate the word thirty as unattractive. Yes, I fully expected to wake up suddenly and blatantly uglier than I was before I went to sleep.

So, I did what any setonstaying29 year old would do. I slept in super late and was prepared to ignore the giant "10" date staring at me on my iPhone calendar. Carter was at his grandma's and Matt had gone to work.

But my darn phone. I have facebook alerts set on my phone, so every ten seconds I got a wall post buzz in from someone reminding me I'm thirty.

Today I wasn't struck by any fabulous revelations about what I want for myself or how life's supposed to be by the time you hit this age. It's possible I was just avoiding the typicality of it all - the should be's and will do's just seem so overdone, probably because it's so close to the New Year. I know I have everything I've ever wanted; my husband loves me madly, and the baby I've longed for is learning love.

I still love sleeping like a teenager, throwing clothes on the floor, playing with my makeup and drinking Pepsi for breakfast. I spend silly amounts of money on candles, and I suck at returning phone calls. I don't moisturize, and I can't parallel park. I wear chipped purple nail polish and my hair's way too long. I am thirty. Thirty will not change me. At any rate, it looks like I'm the one changing thirty.

Thirty year olds are expected to act like responsible adults, but really, I think it's just something that happens to us over time and not something we should even consider working at. Maturity comes naturally as soon as you realize you want the best - not so much for yourself anymore - but for your husband, child, parents and siblings.

Instead of trying to act my age, I plan to shoot backwards. I want to always be able to relate to Carter while he's growing up and never let the perils of bills, grocery lists or disappointments age me.

Still, life pauses for none of us. I'm trusting memories of my youth and the innocence in Carter's eyes will continue to carry me into the years with grace.

17 comments:

  1. I understand this completely, every birthday freaks me out. And I am only 20. I'm always reminded another year has gone by and I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm getting old!! :)
    You sound like your relationship with your son is beautiful. :)

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  2. I love when you said "and the baby I've longed for is learning love." Beautiful!

    Oh, and happy birthday!

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  3. beautifully written.. you look amazing at 30 no need to be ashamed, EMBRACE! =) happy birthday missy!

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  4. Loved your post, its what many of us feel but deny to admit. Who likes getting older verdad? So lets enjoy every day of our lives and make the most out of it. You look great so don't worry about aging!! Happy Birthday :)

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  5. Wonderful and beautiful honesty. I completely relate to how you are feeling...turning 29 ten days after you. If only the number corresponded to how I really feel, how about a permanent 25? :)

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  6. Happy Belated Birthday! You're family is beautiful! I have been watching you since you were pregnant. You have become a friend to me even though I have never met you and I live in California. lol. May God bless your family and keep you in his warm and comforting presence all the time!

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  7. thirty was weird for me, now two years ago eeekkkk! BUT now, i kinda think thirty is totally hot! Hot Mamas Rock! Happy Birthday to you!

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  8. I LOL'd reading this post! I'll be 32 this year...it gets easier. sorta. not really. but hey, I've heard 30 is the new 20. That saying is pretty much what keeps me going. Happy belated birthday and you look fabulous darling!

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  9. @April i've heard 30 is the new 20 too. I wouldn't agree with that if i were in my 20's, but now that i'm up here, it's sounding very logical :)

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  10. @Anonymous thank you! i'm happy to be a friend!

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  11. WOW!!..I have watched you on youtube after your first preggo video was made...haha It is strange I feel like I know you. This is awesome. I thought you were wayyy younger than 30. This is really awesome what you said here... "Still, life pauses for none of us. I'm trusting memories of my youth and the innocence in Carter's eyes will continue to carry me into the years with grace."

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  12. @spazmaticmeehaha i really hesitated posting my age because i know ppl think i'm a little younger, and i wanted to keep it that way! but i'll say this is to encourage 30-somethings to keep dressing and acting like you're in your 20's :)

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  13. u look so freakin young u have nothing to worry about :) and beautiful too

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