carter and ball child

There's a lot I expect when I take Carter out to the mall's indoor playground. Comments from nearby parents about his big, blue eyes. Apologies when he gets trampled on by bigger kids and topples to the floor. Lots of following and copy-catting other kids. Squeals of laughter. Pretend baby babble conversations with any toddler who's about his height and will listen. His eager, desperate hand waving Hi to kids running past. Any little ones that stop for him usually get hugged.

I like to get him out, and I don't mind that - as one of the smaller kids - this means he gets barraged. (Today a girl pinched his cheeks and started pulling him around by his ear.) I defend him, protect him and love watching him have fun in between the bouts of drama.

There was a child - I'd guess 10 or 12 years old - laying flat on her back in the middle of the padded playground floor. The area was swarming with at least 30 hysterical, running kids around her. She had a small, sparkly ball cupped between her bare, dirty feet that she was slowly pressing back and forth between her heels.

Carter, being the avid ball fanatic that he is, stopped in his tracks when he saw that ball. No toys are actually allowed in this area, which made the ball that much more appealing desperately needed.

I watched from across the playground to see him approach and attempt some sort of mumble convo with the ball child (which I'm sure included proud, repeated use and inquiries with the word Bawl). He leaned a hand in, requesting the ball, and the child moved it away from him and - still laying flat - wedged it between her butt and the floor. I saw Carter make hand gestures, as if bargaining, while the child stared up at him, blankly shaking her head.

Presumably given up, he went off to run, shriek, copy and get knocked over some more with the other kids. Apparently he'd used that time for some serious thinking, because about five minutes later, he was back to standing above the ball child, who hadn't moved. He didn't wave his hands or look like he was babbling. He stared and, in one swift motion, his hand morphed into a claw and snarled her right in the face.

Onlookers wouldn't have known immediately what I did - the kid was in horrendous pain. He digs his nails and fingers into our faces with a death grip when he's tired or angry, and now, apparently he does it to children who don't share balls.

The kid did what I expected. Screamed. Doubled over in hysterics. Cried like she'd been mauled by a monster. Carter stood and stared down at what he'd done as the ball child's mother rushed over. It took me a few seconds to process what had happened and what I should do. My baby just hurt someone else's child. In Raising Children World, this is technically my fault.

I hurried over to the scene and scooped up Carter, as if he needed protection. I knew clearly he'd been horribly wrong and felt mad at him, but strangely I was confused with fighting an instinct to defend him. He was cute. He wanted to play with a ball. Suddenly a mean kid? Not possible.

Was it?

By now, ball child's mother was crouched over the bawling kid, who was blubbering something like, THAT BABY... !! through the sobs.

My face was hot with humiliation and panic. I knew watching from a distance that I didn't like this stingy kid, so the only way I could ration out a sentence was to figure out what I'd want to hear from a mother whose bumbling toddler made my kid bleed. I'd be livid.

Is he ok?

The mother and kid looked up at me in unison. And wouldn't you know? He was actually a girl, wearing a very boy-looking black T-shirt. I shoved a foot in my mouth and stood there with Carter, thinking a more reasonable approach just might be silence.

I couldn't hear exactly what her response to me was over the cries, but the mom attempted Yeah ... he just ... and must have ... jabbed ... wrong ... be fine.

I tried a line that went something like, Carter, I can't believe you! I'm so so sorry. Ball girl's mom had stopped acknowledging me. For sure she had to be taking into account his size comparatively. Most would guess he was an age that couldn't be held accountable for blatant attacks. I attempted another I'm really sorry, and my Team Carter instinct threw in an unpurposeful He didn't know. She stood up and carried the hysterical girl to a bench.

But you know what? Carter did know.

I watched the two sit, huddled tightly together as the mother comforted and the girl's cries worsened.

I toted Carter to the other side of the room. I couldn't look, but I felt a hundred eyes on us. I set him down and repeatedly told him I just couldn't believe him. I really couldn't. His mood was solemn and still. He knew exactly what he did; he was scared for himself.

Play resumed. A dark-haired two year old took it upon himself to stand beside Carter and pretend they were friends. I glanced over at the ball mother/child every ten seconds to make sure the hysterics weren't transforming into pointed fingers of bloody murder, ambulances weren't being called, and I wasn't about to be arrested.

A little while later, ball girl had stopped crying and came near our side of the room. Knowing I had quite a story on my hands, I snapped an inconspicuous iPhone picture of her laying in front of us. Off the floor this time, at least.

I couldn't help but see Carter a little differently after that. Not so much because he'd breeched the Cutest & Sweetest Mommy/Baby Duo pact we'd had running for the past 19 months without consulting me first.

But now I see the pure innocence that babies are born with slowly being squeezed from his fat, little face to make room for his decision making skills. I see the potential in him to be one of the bad kids. I hesitate to use the word bad because I will never tell Carter he's bad. He's not. Tell a baby he's been bad, and he'll believe that about himself and continue acting that way. Mommy says I'm a bad boy, so I am a bad boy.

The infant who wiggled with wide-eyed, blank stares somewhere along the line figured out how to purposely do harm. I'd been lounging at my pool of naivety, thinking that he only knew, said and did what he'd been taught, thus far, by me. We've entered a whole new ballgame - strung with unpredictable words, a mouth full of teeth, little hidings of truths, shrinking thighs and a baby learning to maneuver a mind of his own.

votes probably help heal ball girl's scratches.
we should vote, team carter or not.
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  1. All of our children at some point do something, say something that hurts someone else. It is all part of learning and growing up - as much as it sucks for us to watch our kids do these things we need to take advantage of these teachable moments.

    On the flip side, if my oldest daughter was laying on the floor essentially teasing a toddler I would be having a little chat with her and taking advantage of that teachable moment. Plus, why wasn't she at school???

  2. Ug, I am so sorry for the awkwardness of it all. There is def. no getting around the kids who hurt our kids or the ones ours hurt. IT all hurts us. boo. I think your little guy is using the only language he understands right now. Trying to assert himself when he is feeling ignored. Not really a bad quality at all and I am betting that as he gets older and learns how to process and communicate better he will be a resourceful little guy!

    Sorry for the gal who got hurt too but, looks like she survived;0. loved this post. Honest, enjoyed reading ever word! xo

  3. Don't feel too bad, it happens, i believe almost every toddler has done that! kids and babies will do those type of things like hurt other kids. My son Cameron who is nbow 7 yrs old use to whack people directly in the face, i was so embarrassed but they kinda laughed it off cause he was a toddler at the time, but i still let him know it's not okay to hit. Jacob who is almost 20 months old loves to hit me and dig me in the face and boy does it hurt! but he does it so quick that i don't expect it lol. I let him no it's not okay to hit. Ofcourse he can't quite understand what i'm saying yet. He thinks it funny though. Kids and babies love to see reactions on other kids and adults when they hurt them. I'm sure that little girls mother understood that Carter is just a toddler and he didn't understand what he did. I'm sure her kid has done the same when she was a toddler too. So don't feel bad, it's a stage they go through, it's common. That's their way of showing they are upset or their way of getting attention. :)

  4. I know how you feel! When my daughter was 2 she bit another child on the face!!! Yes the Face! I was horrified and couldnt understand this behaviour from her. My quiet almost always good toddler did what? It happened at daycare and the centre had to write an "accident " report. I was at an all time low all i could think was "dear god they put dogs down for that!The other child was fine and didnt carry a scar thank goodness. It was over a toy, the other child came and took it . I wanted to be defensive of her but yikes I couldnt it was too obvious. Love this post!
    Cheers Kara.

  5. Ahhh toddlerhood! These things happen all the time. I used to teach in a toddler classroom at a daycare center for years and you wouldn't beleive the brawls they get into... biting.. hitting.. spitting.. it eventually goes away though :) And your such a good teacher for Carter I know he won't have any trouble knowing right from wrong. As I was reading I felt soo bad for you when you said he and it was a she! I actually laughed out loud! I could immediatly see my self in your postion and wanting to crawl under something and hide! But anyways, hang in there your not alone! All moms & dads get anxiety over terrible two's moments! BTW Carter is so precious i giggled at the "she'd been mauled by a monster" part because he's so sweet. :) Thanks for sharing!

  6. @bruce.catto LOL dear God they put dogs down for that! you made my day :)

  7. @Ruby thanks ruby! you made so many good points that i seem to overlook, given the drama of the situation - they usually do it at this age to see reactions, i definitely get that feeling when he does it to get my husband's attention

  8. @Love Hope Faith thanks! haha when i called the She a He i felt like i was standing in the middle of a cheesy comedy movie!

  9. Like previous poster said, I worked in a toddler classroom for a couple of years and they get into awful fights. They don't quite have the words yet and it is so frustrating for them. That frustration can make even the sweetest child with excellent parenting lash out. Just keep giving him the words, actions he needs when he gets so frustrated and upset and he'll get a little older and use those tools. I see this all the time. I love your honesty about these situations, and they give me a window into what I may be feeling in a year or so once my little boy hits these ages.

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