the first time i ever saw the adult


.. when I clicked through my footage and was hit with this face
DSC_1059

He looks a little tired with a slight handsome edge. His eyes don't innocently wonder. They know.

You might expect me to continue on this thought about how I'm sad, I miss the bumbling baby, innocence is gone forever and so on and whine on.

But I'm not sad. I don't miss the baby. It sounds harsh, but when I think back on the days when Carter couldn't talk or walk, all I can remember is what a struggle everything was and my desperate attempts to memorize the fleeting fat on his baby face - because I loved it, yes, but also because They grow up fast was being chanted at me from every direction. I don't fully remember Carter in his infancy. Just the words I can't, I don't have time and I'm tired. I remember everything was hard. When I hear about my friends getting pregnant, I remember how exciting the unknown can be, and then I'm a little relieved that I got past it all.

I'm loving this age above all other ages. The bobbling cuteness has worn off, but the 'little person' cuteness is at its dawn. Dust is settling. Having come through years of panicking to appease every waking need, it's a strange relief to find minutes or even an hour pass where he needs nothing from me.

My husband and I can turn some focus back to our marriage (instead of each other's throats) and have full, hilarious conversations with Carter. I can reason with him, explain things to him, and he just flat out accepts it all. Manners? Ok. First vegetables, then cookies? Ok. Put it in the trash? Ok.

He has the best heart. I don't have to flop onto my bed in frustrated surrender anymore, wondering how to stop the crying and whining. It's easy to tell that all he wants for his life today are hugs, fun, a cup full of milk and anything with wheels.

I used to desperately want a baby. Had I known what my baby would become in two years, this is what I would have desperately wanted.

12 comments:

  1. So very true. My son is a few months behind, but his daddy and I were just saying the other day that his is our favourite age so far. He understands us, he can communicate and seems happier as a result. The baby stages are lovely and precious and it's a fantastic feeling to be someone elses whole world. But when their own little character starts to come out, with the little tiny voice and words not pronounced quite right, well that's the stuff that melts your heart.More so when they come wandering over and give you a kiss and say they love you with no prompting!! Beautiful. Hope you're feeling a little better now. Big hugs x

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  2. what a great picture of Carter! i feel the same way, i keep putting off trying for antoher because this age is so much fun and i'm loving having all my attention on my little man...i know i'll get there soon but I know i'll never get back this one on one time, and this age is priceless!

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  3. Such a beautiful sentiment. We all spend so much time wanting a *baby* when in reality we really want a *family.* The family that we want is complete with a small, impressionable person, so much like ourselves, yet so different. I have found as my daughter gets older (she's only eleven months) that I enjoy her more and more. She is less work and more fun. Loved this post.

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  4. I love this so much Meghann! I had to share it on my facebook. I couldn't put this in better words than you did.

    My little boy is 20 months, and no longer a needful crying baby but a busy little boy with thoughts and desires.

    Thank you for sharing!

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  5. That was so sweet, shed a tear while reading it (also pms-ing :P). My daughter is 10 months and my husband keeps saying "she's so precious I don't want her to change" but I know the best is yet to come :)

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  6. oh and I was just browsing the web and came across this site: http://www.modcloth.com/shop/clothing. Their clothes are so cute and look like your style :)

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  7. I agree! The older my daughter gets (she'll be 2 at Christmastime), the more I enjoy her. I don't miss the early days.

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  8. Oh girl, you have the best way with words! My Carter is turning two in March and I love him SO much more at this stage! We just tried to survive having a newborn. Every day was a struggle with reflux, stomach issues, not sleeping, etc that when I look back I cannot comprehend why anyone wants to go through that again! No one tells you how hard it is to have a new baby but they also don't tell you how incredibly rewarding and awesome it is to have a toddler. This is definitely my favorite stage and I'm trying to soak it all in before he changes again. oxox

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  9. Thank you for this entry. It gave me so much hope after six really trying months in my nearly 6-year marriage.

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  10. Wow my two year old must be way different than all of yours! I'm I'n love with my toddler, but she is such a hand full! I'm actually looking forward to three I think! ;)

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  11. You are one of the most patient, loving parents I have seen. Each moment in time muct feel like it's the best you've encountered thus far. That is how love works, it just keeps getting better eveyday. Please join my blog, it would mean a lot to me. :)

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  12. I've kept a link to this post in my inbox for more than two years because when I read it the first time it was so encouraging to me. Now here I am trying to organize my life and my in ox when I stumbled upon it. I re read it and agin the words are encouraging until I realized you were talking about a two year old, I am still waiting for mine to understand reason. With two two year olds and a newborn I often hide in my bed and hope they don't need me.

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